THE REAL HALLOWEEN HORROR

Google Images Photo

Google Images Photo

Samuel Mills, Staff Writer

Like most holidays, Halloween finds me shivering under a blanket in a dark room and wishing I had friends to go out with. The only difference here is that I have a wider variety of sweets to stuff my face with like a desperate mukbang creator. If readers do not want to end up like me this Halloween (trust me, they do not), they should partake in some fun and festive activities.

Feeling hungry? Trick-or-treating is a fantastic way to legally rob neighbors of their hard-earned cash. Unfortunately, kids’ parents will probably “borrow” most of the candy they get anyway. If biting down on a crunchy, delicious hypodermic needle (which is actually unlikely, but paranoia is just a part of the Halloween spookiness, I guess) does not sound enjoyable, try dressing up in some chic Halloween costumes. Since corporations are always innovative and original with their costumes, they have generously given women a total of three types of costumes to choose from: sexy nurse, sexy witch, and sexy… zombie? To each their own, I suppose. I am personally leaning towards being a zombie because online schooling has already turned my brain into mush and left me as a drooling mess shambling aimlessly around my house.

I rag on Halloween, but this holiday is quite fun, I must admit… or at least it would be if people would stop giving me apples and mints and other stuff that is NOT candy. Do I look like I need to eat nothing but healthy food for the rest of my life? On second thought, DO NOT DARE answer that.